Why do we come to universities or colleges? Having grown up in a comfortable middle class family in rural Washington, I was brought up to never question me attending a university. It was expected of me, and I happily accepted this destiny. I blindly subscribed to the idea that by going to college, I would gain an education and a useful set of skills that would catapult me into a lucrative career. Once having attained said career I would delve into it and it would be my passion in life, my purpose. Coming from an old town with old fashion ideas, I believed that after my purpose had been found, I would be happy. Obviously this excited me, and I quickly fell headlong into a dark cycle.
After the initial newness of college wore off, I found myself simply going through the motions. I passionlessly completed assignment after assignment. Despite my love for art history, I found little joy in memorization without context and failed to see any relevancy to my actions. I kept trying to focus on my dream job of museum curation, because that would to make me happy once I got there, right? I attempted to convince myself that all I had to do was make it through the next few years of school, get hired somewhere fantastic, and let the happiness and passion I was missing come down like rain. Despite my efforts, you can only fool yourself for so long. My lack of interest in learning led to overall apathy that grew into bitterness that swiftly turned into depression. This depression took its toll on me mentally which led to physical damage with serious and possibly permanent consequences. After sporadic hospital visits, I would emerge "healthy" again. I felt like my life was centered around a self assigned punishment akin to that of Sisyphus. Getting back to healthy and happy was like pushing that boulder up the mountain, and it seemed that every time I reached the summit, the boulder would crash down the other side taking me with it. I began to resemble Hecuba, my actions speaking to the emotion that bruised my heart, always asking "Why do I live through these long days that have no end but night"?
With my personal idea of life's purpose seeming more and more bleak and pointless, I actively pushed people away that dared to get closer than small talk. Despite the choice exile, I did not enjoy sitting there alone and brooding, so I once again delved into my schoolwork. While I thought that this was simply the start of another Sisyphus-esque cycle, I trudged on. I once again went through Ovid's Metamorphoses among other books with no obvious sign of anything out of the norm…until a few days later. On a random Sunday afternoon, I was sitting with some friends, relaxing. I was only half listening when I heard one girl start to talk about spiders and how she loved the webs they weave, before I knew it was was telling the story of Arachne and Athena. I was engaged in the act of story telling, loving the feeling of involvement and reveling in the joy that came from possessing a deeper understanding than most.
Slowly this started to happen more and more frequently. I found myself becoming engaged in life and actively seeking out mythic occurrences. My heart skipped a beat with every coincidence between life and fable I found. This made me thirst for education in a way that I didn't think I could! I began to feel happier with each piece of applicable knowledge I gained. I began to compare myself to Pygmalion, the Paphos I was sculpting was myself! I yearned for breath and warmth to come back to me, and it was at that point that I went and got help for myself.
Unknowingly, I had become the hero in my personal epic. Gradually I had faced my challenges, growing through each trial. I realize that I am still in the abyss and that larger challenges await, but I am more excited by the metamorphoses they will bring and finally having this particular veil lifted from my eyes. I never thought that my version of a Mythic Detective would mean using myth as a means to investigate myself and assist in my adventure to happiness.
Professor Sexson always talks about our elders and realizing their beauty, and in a way, these myths serve as our elders in many ways. Through the simple act of turning a page, these stories and characters whisper in our ear, telling us fables and relaying lessons that transcend centuries, they take your hand and pull you along for adventure, whether you realize you've embarked on one or not. If you listen, they can even teach you about yourself. I am learning that a person's purpose is what they choose. I choose to learn, discover, experience, and above all, LIVE! This is my young life as a Mythic Detective.
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